Being a guy that expresses very little emotion, it can be challenging to figure out if I am actually having fun while playing in the mountains.
It became even more apparent while on this trip and Gina had asked me straight up if I was having fun because of my monotone day. We had been bouldering for 2 days in Rumbling Bald, NC and we were on day 3.
In my mind, I was having a great day. Struggled with some harder problems in the beginning of the day but after analyzing them a bit more, I figured them out and pulled ‘em off. That’s always a win in my book. But, Gina got my thinking about my attitude that I had for the last 2 months or so while on this trip. I have fun climbing, but I think somewhere along the way I lost the pure fun in it and it became a bit monotonous. I have been so focused on finishing as many routes as possible when in an area because we are on such a tight schedule. I rarely, if ever get frustrated when I can not finish a route/problem (other than losing some gear to lower off of) but I never get super-amp’ed after completing a route/problem either. There have been few moments in climbing when I feel really juiced up. The most recent was pulling down my first 11a at the Red. Before that, can’t really remember.
I love climbing but I definitely lack positive emotions that normally are not lacking when doing other mountain activities, like for example a bluebird, powder day. If you ever see me on a day like that I always have the biggest shit eating grin on my face. Maybe I’m just too tired after climbs to have any emotion at all? Especially as of late, I have been pushing myself mentally and I really have that “oh shit, this is sketchy” type of feeling more often.
This trip has really been an eye opener with a many aspects in my life. One thing that it has helped me to figure out what is really important to me in my life. For me, when looking at my sport list, climbing will always be a part of it, but I think the snow will always be #1 in my book.